Finding Perspective

My favorite course in college happened during the second semester of my freshman year at Baylor with my good friend (and freshman roommate) Jeff Kok.  Jeff and I were looking to take a few classes together and needed to fill a 4-hour lab course...the class we settled on was astronomy.  Astronomy is in no way associated with the major I choose or the life I had planned out after college, but for whatever reason it always appealed to my personality.  Jeff and I would stay up late before tests to study and would always find childish analogies or mnemonic devices to remember the features of our solar system.  Some of which we still joke about as 30-year old dads who haven't been in a dorm room since 2004.  We definitely had some good times in that 12 x 13 dorm room...  As part of the course, students were required to complete three hours of course work and one hour of "lab" which consisted of actual laboratory work or watching a video.  One night, I attended a one hour video that was narrated by Stephen Hawking; the video started at the base level of existence, the cellular level of our bodies and expanded out farther and farther into the universe to show the grand scale of existence.  It took less than 60 minutes of being in the right place, at the right time for me to realize that the world that we live in was made by a Creator that spoke into existence a universe that is beyond comprehension.  That random video which I'm sure other student were ignoring or sleeping through was life changing for me.

But this is The Hazel Report -- so what does this have to do with Hazel?

When we got the genetics report on Hazel, we learned that her micro-deletion on Chromosome 6 was approximately 1.2 megabytes.  Do you understand how small that is?  Please allow me to put this to scale: if you're reading this blog on a standard 16 gigabyte iPhone, than 1.2 megabytes is 0.008% of the capacity of your phone.  It's nothing.  It's tiny.  But it means a lot to our daughter's life.  For the last 14 months, Aubree and I have been trying to get a handle on every situation and all the variables that exist for Hazel's health...because frankly, there is a lot to process and do.  There are times that we feel confident and happy but there are also times (like earlier this month for me) where the weight of all these surgeries is overwhelming.  But recently I've tried to take time to find some perspective.

I have found myself thinking back to a class I took 10 years ago with a friend who I met because God planned for us to be potluck roommates.  I'm not focused on that fact that there are bigger problems in the world than Hazel having a micro-deletion in her genetic make up.  I'm focused on that fact that the God who I place my faith in is the creator of this immense and complex universe -- so how can He not be able to conquer 1.2 megabytes of missing DNA?

GOD IS IN CONTROL.

Eye Surgery 8: More Than Expected

I am blogging this afternoon from an office chair in our bedroom as Hazel continues to nap the day away on our bed.  It was a rough morning for our little girl, she's earned the right to stay in her footie-pajamas as long as she wants if you ask me.  

If you only have a moment to read this, I'll go ahead and give a Cliff Notes version of the blog: the procedures went really well and Hazel is doing fine this afternoon.  Unfortunately, we got more than we expected this morning.  There's not a good way to summarize everything, so you'll have to read on to see the big picture and details:

The scheduled procedures today included two things -- first, an evaluation under anesthesia to examine both eyes and secondly, to remove the lens in her right eye which has a cataract and is hindering her vision.  Going to the surgery center is getting tougher than it used to be for our tiny family.  Hazel is much more aware of where we are and recognizes the nurses and doctors when the start to take measurements and notes.  She already doesn't like when people pin her down or get in her face, so trying to take blood pressure, attach leads to her chest and do pre-surgery eye drops is more challenging than it used to be.  It's kind of a joke in movies and TV shows but its true...babies can be freakishly strong.

About a half hour after Hazel went back for the procedure, both her cornea surgeon (Dr Bowman) and glaucoma surgeon (Dr Smith) came to the waiting room and pulled Aubree and I into a consultation room.  We have been concerned about the size of Hazel's left eye and knew there was a very real possibility that the EUA would reveal that her eye pressure was up.  And it was.  I forgot to ask exactly how high the pressure was in her left eye, but it was high enough that Dr Smith wanted to move forward with placing an addition tube in her eye to relieve pressure.  We all agreed to do the surgery today and place another tube in her right eye.

Even though we knew this was the next step to fight the glaucoma, it still caught me off guard somehow.  I think I'm just tired.  I'm tired of the rug getting pulled out from under us every time we think we are on the last leg of this marathon of eye surgeries.  It is what it is, but we just want Hazel to have a break from all of this for once.  In a lot of ways, today is just one of those days where it gets me down that Hazel only knows this form of life where she averages a surgery a month and has multiple doctor appointments each week.  I'm sure that later tonight Hazel will be clapping and laughing and the glass will seem like it's half full again.  I'll remember that she is blessed to have doctors that can give her vision when she born blind and that there are kids out there who don't have the medical resources that she does.   It was just a really tough morning but tomorrow is a new day.

Hazel is nearly 14 months old and the on-going support from all our family, friends and various church bodies has really been unreal.  It's scary to think where we would be without all the words of encouragement, the prayer, the hugs and emotional support.  Everyone is probably tired of me closing the blogs by thanking everyone who is supporting Hazel...but I don't know how else to say how truly appreciative Aubree and I are for each and every one of you.

I hope everyone is having a happy and safe holiday season to this point.  I will blog more as updates are available.  The next steps for Hazel are a check-up next week on her surgeries from today and another visit to the surgery center in a month for an EUA.